One of the biggest obstacles I see for many people is that they take things personally.

How often I’ve heard them say that someone did something “to them” yet, when I look at the facts, basically, they just did something ~ it wasn’t “to” anyone in particular ~ AND, even if it was, it’s still not personal.

This was brought up to me many years ago. At the end of a transformational weekend, my teacher gave each student a small piece of paper with something written on it. Mine said “Don’t take it personally”.

As I’ve said in many of my writings, we’ve learned so much via those around us, t.v., movies, etc. and we learn reactions instead of conscious response.

For instance, in a recent blog I wrote how my husband had left the hatch on my car open enough to leave the light on which killed the battery. We’re going out for lunch, it’s my birthday and my car wont start.

Many women would have taken it personally! He had done it TO them when actually it had nothing to do with them. It was his own unconsciousness. We pretty much all have those moments.

The other day I had put a question up on FaceBook. Everyone who commented agreed and understood what I was saying except one person who “tried” to turn it into something else by bringing up that I’d been gang-raped, my response to an Amazon review and because I told her what she was saying was separate from what I’d said she called me “childish”. NONE of which had anything at all to do with my question.

I received numerous emails from folk telling me how I should respond, how rude she was, that I should “block” her, etc. I could also have deleted her responses ~ none of which I did.

What was going on with her really had nothing to do with me. Something came up for her and her perception of what I was saying went askew and she brought her own stuff into the conversation.

I know I’ve done that. Haven’t you? *shrugs* It’s not a big thing and it’s not about me! It may not even have been about what I said there! It could very well have begun with something else I’d written or said on one of my UStream shows OR, something that was going on in her own life. Who’s to know? Certainly not I.

This brings up a memory of when I was working at a car dealership. The girlfriend of the manager took a really strong dislike to me and we’d barely ever spoken. I remember she said something nasty to me and I said (paraphrasing) “I don’t know why you dislike me but it seems as though you do. If you ever feel to tell me…” That stopped her. Awhile later she came to me and said I was right and she had no clue as to why. It wasn’t about me but it WAS something about me that brought up something insider of her. It wasn’t personal.

Once you get that pretty much whatever is going on around you (even though my world revolves around me; not everyone else’s does. Hopefully, theirs revolves around them) is not ABOUT you, you become more relaxed with life.

For instance, it use to be that no matter how good I did at something, no matter how many compliments I received, all I needed was that one “negative” (in my view) response and BAM! My day/life was shot!

Now, with all I do, I receive a lot of compliments, appreciations, email, etc. thanking me. While I really enjoy reading them and appreciate folk taking the time of their lives to write, it’s about them, not me! I’m just the catalyst.

By the same token when I read that someone’s blocked me or I find they’ve “unfriended” or “unfollowed” me or they dispute something I write or say, it’s still not about me. They may not have liked something I wrote, or did or said yet, it’s their response to it. It’s not personal to me.

Sort of an addendum. My father died when I was 12. Until I got some help I didn’t realize that I was REALLY angry with him for doing so and kept sabotaging my own relationships because of this unconscious anger. I felt he had left me alone with two people I didn’t like (mother and brother). Well, he had left AND I was left with them yet, he didn’t think “I’m going to die and leave Revvell alone to be abused”. He didn’t “do it to me”. He died. Wasn’t about me. Affected me, yes. But, it wasn’t done “to me”. Make sense?

Revvell

Bodacious Living

On my last UStream show I mentioned that my husband had left the hatch open on my car so when we were headed out on Saturday (my birthday) for lunch, then to an event, my car wouldn’t start. We were planning on taking both vehicles because he was working that evening and was going to leave the event early and go directly to his gig while I’d get to stay and enjoy the event.

Well, since my car wouldn’t start, change of plans. We decided to take his car, go for lunch, then go the the event and then he’d drive me home.

Now, many people would be a bit upset about that. First, the fact that he’d left the hatch open and the battery was dead; secondly because they’d have to leave the event early; 3rd, the inconvenience of having to get the car going and drive it enough to re-charge the battery.

I know many would have been so angry that they’d ruin the rest of the day… maybe not talking to him… accusing him… saying how stupid he was… etc.

For me, my monkey mind wanted to do all that BUT, my more reasonable self was in charge. He knew he was the last to take something out of the car (case of young Thai coconuts) and knew it was most likely he who’d left it open (not that you could see it but open enough to leave the light on and drain the battery). When I told him, he said, “yes, that’s right”. Now, lil monkey was yelling in my ear… “Is that it? ‘That’s right’? What about an apology???”

My rational mind said “you know, he’s probably feeling really crappy about this and already beating himself up. What’s the point? IF he says he’s sorry… what then? Do I REALLY need to make him “more” wrong? Will that make me more right? And, if so, so what? Ego is fed?”

The point of this whole story is, when coming from love, we don’t need to MAKE someone else wrong. The programmed part of me really wanted to do that but, what would be the point?

What I COULD have done and what many WOULD have done is, get pissed off and spoil the whole day if not the whole weekend! Yell about his un-consiousness and TRY and make him feel bad. Not talked to him for whatever length of time as punishment.

Where do we learn this type of behavior? I’ve seen it SO often in books and on t.v. shows and in the movies where one party becomes angry and doesn’t even tell the other party why. They feel SO in control when the other person keeps saying “just talk to me! Just tell me what’s wrong!” I remember having the conversation myself with ex’s. It’s ridiculous!

I remember a line in the movie “Get Shorty” where there had been a shootout and sometime later one character asked the other, “aren’t you scared?” The other said “I was scared then, I’m not now, how long I got to be scared?”

For me, that works across the board. “How long I got to be mad?”

One time someone told me “In a years time you wont even remember this. Why wait?”

So, why wait? Why not drop the anger (and dropping is NOT suppressing!) and move on! How often have you wondered what the arguement/fight was even about?

IF I had gone the way so many do, I’d have missed out on a lovely lunch with him; hanging out with him that afternoon at the event; riding to it and back with him AND, kissing him before he went off to work.

NOW, what if something had happened to him on his way to or from work? What IF I’d have stayed angry?

See? What’s the point? Anger is a natural emotion. Staying angry is ego. Trying to control someone.

Oh! The second part. Sunday morning I had a class at 7:30. I thought I’d call AAA, have them start the car and the battery would recharge on the way to class. The driver showed up 30 minutes later. My bad. I did say it was a Prius but I didn’t say my drive was long and narrow and a battery pack would be needed if they brought a tow truck.

So, the guy brings a huge tow truck, no battery pack and knows nothing about Prius’. He told me we could roll the car down the drive. Ummm, it’s dead. Without power you can’t even put it in neutral.

So, I decided to leave a message for Himself which basically said, “I’ll be home in 3 hours. Please call AAA and tell them to send someone who knows about Prius’ and to bring a battery pack.” Pretty much was a bit irritated so saying “You broke it, now fix it”. So, I go to class, get home about 10:30 a.m. and my note and key are exactly where I’d left them. I heard him upstairs and knew he’d not even seen it so, I threw it away.

Yes, lil monkey child was at it again. “He’s just getting up??? You’ve GOT to tell him!! He’s GOT to take care of this” blah, blah, blah!

What I did was, go up and greet him. His first words, “would you like to go out for birthday weekend brunch?” Hell yeah!!

So, called AAA again, told them to send someone who knows about Prius and to bring a battery pack. They did. The car started immediately! We went out for brunch, did some shopping and had a truly wonder-filled birthday weekend.

Now! IF I had listened to the little fur-brat in my head, that would not have happened. I’d have maintained my anger; he’d have been feeling bad and we’d have wasted a really great, loving weekend.

Injoy,

Revvell

Bodacious Living

Wow! What an amazing revvellation!

I’d posted a free ebook recently on a forum I frequent on a thread called “Prosperity Now” and, I saw that over 30 people had looked at it and not one “thank you”! Usually when someone gives us something, we’ve learned to say thank you (unless we don’t feel we deserve it or, it’s not something we’re thank-filled for). I mean that’s basic in growing up ~ Receive a gift ~ “thank you”, no?

So, someone basically chastised me because I mentioned it so, I did my thing and explained my reasoning, blah, blah, blah and, as I was doing my morning appreciations I realized, as much as I appreciate the ebook, as much as I’ve shared it with others, I did NOT thank the person who wrote it and gave it to me!!!

So, I went to the original site ~ Attract Money Now ~ where I thought I could leave feedback. Hmph! No contact info, nothing. So, I thought, where can I contact Joe and thank him? I thought MAYBEEE he’s a “friend” on Facebook! Yup! He is! So, found him and thanked him publicly! I’m also going to spread the word about this book which I find extremely useful AND going to do a review of it on my personal blog ~ here! lol

So, what’s the point here? How often do we thank people in our heads? I do. I do it often. Yet, what good is that doing anybody? Certainly not doing the person being appreciated any good nor the appreciator, really!

Now, did I really want or care if I received thanks for the book? Absolutely not! I gave it because I felt it worth sharing YET, since I hadn’t received thanks, it gave me the perfect reason to share some of what I learned which is, when you give appreciation for something 1) you’ll receive appreciation 2) people are more willing to give when they know people appreciate what you have to give.

If/when you share appreciation to a woman for a dress she’s wearing and she says, “what? this old thing?”… do you feel to give more? How about if she said “Thank you! I appreciate you noticing and saying something!” So! Two people go away beaming, yes?

Do I feel to post anything more on that thread? Not really. Kind of a “why bother” right now EXCEPT for the few who did 1) download the book 2) read the book and 3) took action on what they read AND let me know they appreciated my posting it there. Now THOSE people I feel to give more to. Wouldn’t you?

In actuality, I give a LOT and if one person, whether they thank me or not, receives benefit from what I say/do, more the better.

As I’m writing this, I’m thinking about my playbook and one of the quotes I have in it. While looking for it, I came across this one ~ “Saying thank you is more than good manners. It is good spirituality.” Alfred Painter

Another: “You were given a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say “thank you?” ~ William A. Ward

Another: “If you don’t appreciate what you have, you wont get anymore… because the universe thinks it’s not important to you, and therefore you don’t need anymore.” ~ T. Harv Ecker

The one I was looking for ~

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” ~ William Arthur Ward

As I’m writing this, I’m overwhelmed with all the things I’m grateful for and never express. I could spend the whole day saying “thank you” to all I have, those I know… wow! Well, living in overwhelm is surely better than living in “whelm” yes?

Thank YOU for reading and any comments.

Revvell

Bodacious Living