The other day as I was driving home, this feeling came over me. Now, I’ve had this feeling before yet, not sure I’ve ever written about it. What am I? Yes, I know, the eternal question is, “who am I” yet, I want to know “what am I”?

For the first 45 years or so of my life, I never felt as though I belonged on this earth. Every once-in-awhile I’d feel grounded ~ when dancing, giving my teacher appreciations, doing qigong, riding my motorcycle.

Most of the time though, I was on the verge of suicide. I don’t recall being depressed much of the time yet, I do recall not being happy.

That changed one day when out on my bike, up in the Angeles Crest Forest, I was thinking how easy it would be to just ride off the crest and into ~ well, who knows what? Trees? Many have done that and died and if I timed it right, if no one saw me go over, even if I survived the fall, I’d have died of exposure.

What happened that day was, as I was riding, I realized I’d not ridden the Crest enough; I’d not had enough sushi (vegetarian) in my life; I’d not had enough picnics. So, I rode the Crest, went and got some sushi, took it to a park and enjoyed it. By that time it was almost time for class.

That was the last time I’d ever contemplated suicide. No matter what happens now, I feel it’s a cause for celebration.

Even when a friend died, I celebrated my tears and feelings; even when my last boyfriend broke up with me and I cried every night for a month, I celebrated our having been together and knowing that he was a stepping stone to something better IF I stayed open.

So, what’s up with this feeling? I know what I’m here to do; what my purpose is. I know I’m a “human” (whatever that means); I know I’m a sentient being (whatever that means); yet, why am I here? Why me? Why at this time? WHAT am I, really?

Comments?

Revvell
Bodacious Living

As I was out walking this morning, I was thinking about James Arthur Ray and the predicament he’s currently embroiled in and how it potentially came about energetically.

Previously, I’d heard his name but not much about who he is and what he does so I picked up his book “The Science of Success ~ How to Attract Prosperity and Create Harmonic Wealth Through Proven Principles”.

As I’m reading this, I’m thinking “Geeez, he says all the “right” things yet, what happened???” If he’s living harmonically, what the heck happened?

My guess at this point is, he hit what I call an upper limit. AND, he not only hit it, he slammed into it and BAM! hit the ground!

What happens when one hits an upper limit is, they’ve ignored stuff. They’ve usually ignored the underlying programs that will sabotage what one does, no matter their intentions.

For instance… if you’re looking to build an enterprise of some sort, pay attention to the little scared voices telling you you can’t, aren’t enough, don’t know enough, etc. Those voices are warning you of sabotage.

Be aware of injuries and accidents. These are warning signs that you’re headed for disaster.

Recently I injured my left hand AND my left knee. Energetically hands are about handling things. Legs/feet, about understanding, support and stepping out (although right side tends to be the stepping out more than the left). Left side is also (usually) feminine and receptive.

After doing lots of work with folks over the last few months I decided to take these last two months to just focus on me and what I’m looking to do. Even though I’m still working with private clients, I’d stopped doing teleclasses to take time to integrate what I’d learned and to make them better if possible. I took the time to explore why am I injuring myself? What am I ignoring? Yesterday I received a HUGE aHA! on that.

So, I’m thinking, with a business as big and lucrative as JAR’s, maybe he didn’t take the time to check out the warning signs so, the universe slammed him to the ground. I dunno.

Nowhere in his book have I read where he’s said to acknowledge the fears that come up when you’re making your plans. In my experience, if they are not acknowledged they’ll make their presence known one way or another. Acknowledging them and admitting them, one can usually bypass an accident, disease or injury.

Now, you don’t want to focus on them, just acknowledge.

Recently I had a former student call and ask me about upper limits. She felt that if she ignored them and basically said she didn’t have any, there wouldn’t be any. Well, you can’t say you don’t have something and there not be something to not have.

That’s like saying if I ignore the elephant in the room, it wont be there. Or if I ignore that I keep injuring myself, I wont do it again. Or, if I ignore that smoking makes me cough I wont have lung cancer. Or, if I ignore eating bad food makes me feel bad the next day that it wont…

Not having spoken with James Ray, I don’t know what, if any, indications the universe gave that he was headed for a fall yet obviously, he was not living in harmony with the universe at some level.

Revvell

Bodacious Living