I’m reading Terry Cole-Whittaker’s book: “What You Think of Me is None of My Business” and in it she’s talking about people who are suicidal and/or ill and here’s what she says: …”The irony is that they don’t actually want death; instead, they want more life, but don’t know how to get it. They want happiness, health and love, self-expression and abundance. They want to live, but they don’t know how. In effect, they say: ‘The only way to be free of an existence that is killing me is to die.’ So, they get the very thing they don’t want: death.” Pg. 71.
From the time I was 13 and up into my mid-40′s, I was suicidal. I’d created what was called “adult-onset asthma” in my late 20′s/early 30′s to the point where I almost died twice. About 1977, I started looking at my life. I felt I was too young to be so ill with so many little things that I started a search for health and happiness. During that search is when I created (unconsciously, of course) the asthma.Â
In 1986, I found my teacher, Rocannon MacGregor. We did some work around food which I’d never found enjoyable. Eliminated meat and dairy and went on a plant-based diet. That alone knocked out the asthma by about 75%. But, what about the other 25%? That goes back to my first paragraph here. With all I was doing with martial arts, bodybuilding, etc., I still wasn’t happy. I’d thought doing those things would bring me health and happiness. They didn’t. I KNEW hanging out in bars playing pool most nights (I wasn’t a drinker) wasn’t getting it SO! what needed to be done?
Change my mind. We talk about brainwashing? Well, sometimes ~ done consciously ~ it’s good. We began washing my brain of all the fear of life that was holding me back, my self-doubt, my negative thoughts about myself and slowly, I began to learn that “I” was the one creating the asthma! I was the one creating my life the way it was! It took many years to undo what I, and society (with my agreement, however unconsciously) had done to me.Â
I didn’t realize until many years later the cycle I had created. I wanted love, joy and happiness. I hated my life and so created a disease which kept me from living fully! How weird is that? Unless you’ve been there and are truly willing to give up the sickness and the despair you’ll probably not understand this. It was an incredible revelation to me.
This is why I now work with individuals as well as go out and speak on “Who Would You Be if Society Had Not Interfered?” and created my playbook “Revvellutionize Your Life in 30 Days ~ a Self-Empowering Playbook” and the playshop to go with it. Life has become FUN! I feel everyone deserves to live a life of fun and acknowledged choice. Without it, to me, life would be pretty dull.
I’d love to receive feedback on this. Thank you!