On my last UStream show I mentioned that my husband had left the hatch open on my car so when we were headed out on Saturday (my birthday) for lunch, then to an event, my car wouldn’t start. We were planning on taking both vehicles because he was working that evening and was going to leave the event early and go directly to his gig while I’d get to stay and enjoy the event.
Well, since my car wouldn’t start, change of plans. We decided to take his car, go for lunch, then go the the event and then he’d drive me home.
Now, many people would be a bit upset about that. First, the fact that he’d left the hatch open and the battery was dead; secondly because they’d have to leave the event early; 3rd, the inconvenience of having to get the car going and drive it enough to re-charge the battery.
I know many would have been so angry that they’d ruin the rest of the day… maybe not talking to him… accusing him… saying how stupid he was… etc.
For me, my monkey mind wanted to do all that BUT, my more reasonable self was in charge. He knew he was the last to take something out of the car (case of young Thai coconuts) and knew it was most likely he who’d left it open (not that you could see it but open enough to leave the light on and drain the battery). When I told him, he said, “yes, that’s right”. Now, lil monkey was yelling in my ear… “Is that it? ‘That’s right’? What about an apology???”
My rational mind said “you know, he’s probably feeling really crappy about this and already beating himself up. What’s the point? IF he says he’s sorry… what then? Do I REALLY need to make him “more” wrong? Will that make me more right? And, if so, so what? Ego is fed?”
The point of this whole story is, when coming from love, we don’t need to MAKE someone else wrong. The programmed part of me really wanted to do that but, what would be the point?
What I COULD have done and what many WOULD have done is, get pissed off and spoil the whole day if not the whole weekend! Yell about his un-consiousness and TRY and make him feel bad. Not talked to him for whatever length of time as punishment.
Where do we learn this type of behavior? I’ve seen it SO often in books and on t.v. shows and in the movies where one party becomes angry and doesn’t even tell the other party why. They feel SO in control when the other person keeps saying “just talk to me! Just tell me what’s wrong!” I remember having the conversation myself with ex’s. It’s ridiculous!
I remember a line in the movie “Get Shorty” where there had been a shootout and sometime later one character asked the other, “aren’t you scared?” The other said “I was scared then, I’m not now, how long I got to be scared?”
For me, that works across the board. “How long I got to be mad?”
One time someone told me “In a years time you wont even remember this. Why wait?”
So, why wait? Why not drop the anger (and dropping is NOT suppressing!) and move on! How often have you wondered what the arguement/fight was even about?
IF I had gone the way so many do, I’d have missed out on a lovely lunch with him; hanging out with him that afternoon at the event; riding to it and back with him AND, kissing him before he went off to work.
NOW, what if something had happened to him on his way to or from work? What IF I’d have stayed angry?
See? What’s the point? Anger is a natural emotion. Staying angry is ego. Trying to control someone.
Oh! The second part. Sunday morning I had a class at 7:30. I thought I’d call AAA, have them start the car and the battery would recharge on the way to class. The driver showed up 30 minutes later. My bad. I did say it was a Prius but I didn’t say my drive was long and narrow and a battery pack would be needed if they brought a tow truck.
So, the guy brings a huge tow truck, no battery pack and knows nothing about Prius’. He told me we could roll the car down the drive. Ummm, it’s dead. Without power you can’t even put it in neutral.
So, I decided to leave a message for Himself which basically said, “I’ll be home in 3 hours. Please call AAA and tell them to send someone who knows about Prius’ and to bring a battery pack.” Pretty much was a bit irritated so saying “You broke it, now fix it”. So, I go to class, get home about 10:30 a.m. and my note and key are exactly where I’d left them. I heard him upstairs and knew he’d not even seen it so, I threw it away.
Yes, lil monkey child was at it again. “He’s just getting up??? You’ve GOT to tell him!! He’s GOT to take care of this” blah, blah, blah!
What I did was, go up and greet him. His first words, “would you like to go out for birthday weekend brunch?” Hell yeah!!
So, called AAA again, told them to send someone who knows about Prius and to bring a battery pack. They did. The car started immediately! We went out for brunch, did some shopping and had a truly wonder-filled birthday weekend.
Now! IF I had listened to the little fur-brat in my head, that would not have happened. I’d have maintained my anger; he’d have been feeling bad and we’d have wasted a really great, loving weekend.